Struggling with My Conceptions of God, Jesus, Church

Published by Paul Matsushima on August 6, 2020
Category: Newsletters | Tags: Theology (12)

For a long time, I struggled with my conceptions of God, of the person of Jesus, of the Church.

This article was originally written for the Faith.Work.Leadership newsletter of Fuller’s Max De Pree Center for Leadership.

For a long time, I struggled with my conceptions of God, of the person of Jesus, of the Church. Harsh judgments and things I didn’t like about Christianity swirled in my head: God is too wrathful. Jesus can’t be the only way. The Church is hypocritical. Christians are on the wrong side of history. Some of my thoughts toward these topics haven’t quite been resolved, but through conversation, connection, and shared vulnerability with others dealing with similar questions, I do feel more at peace. God and spirituality have true meaning for me today in ways that previously eluded me.

Harsh judgments and things I didn’t like about Christianity swirled in my head: God is too wrathful. Jesus can’t be the only way. The Church is hypocritical. Christians are on the wrong side of history.

Experience has shown me that I’m not alone in asking these questions. And I can imagine these questions are only growing in today’s pandemic/protest/politically polarized climate. One question central to the Church that arises from these concerns may be, “What does it mean to follow Jesus today?”

“Jesus didn’t go towards sin. He went towards pain. Wherever he found human pain, there he went. And there he touched. And there he healed.” – Richard Rohr

Mark Roberts, our Executive Director, has written a multi-part series exploring this question. You can read it below. As I read his series, it made me consider how I follow Jesus today. It reminded me of Richard Rohr’s words from The Art of Letting Go: Living the Wisdom of Saint Francis: “Jesus didn’t go towards sin. He went towards pain. Wherever he found human pain, there he went. And there he touched. And there he healed.” May my decisions, like Jesus, be based on the needs and suffering of others. May the pain of the world be that which invites me forward.

I encourage you to ask yourself: What does it mean for you to follow Jesus today?